Establishing shot. Looking down at waterfall and our group. Owls in the trees.
Foreground: Tribesmen putting sap on themselves.
Cut to Alex putting sap on, talking to Nadia. Asks why she isn't putting sap on.
Nadia says she's afraid to climb.
Alex assures her that the talisman given to her by the shaman will protect her.
Nadia looks down at talisman with doubt.
She looks up at the waterfall.
Tahama appears in front of her.
After arguing, Tahama grabs at Nadia's hair when she tries to run away.
Nadia gets dragged on the ground.
Tahama ignores her screaming.
Nadia asks Alex for help.
Alex tries to stop Tahama.
Tahama pushes Alex out of the way.
Nadia looks down at the talisman.
Nadia activates the talisman.
Tahama, noticing commotion, looks up to the sky.
Owls fill the air.
Tahama is mesmerized.
Nadia brakes away from Tahama.
Owls surround the area.
Owls swoop by Tahama and topple him over.
And spiral up the waterfall, then disappear.
Nadia, amazed, looks up, then looks at her talisman, then looks over at Tahama.
Tahama, crouched on the ground, is still frazzled by the owls.
Nadia, now convinced and determined, walks over to the wall.
Nadia says she's ready for the climb.
The chief looks at her with approval.
tahama got scared by the birds?
ReplyDeletewhile I read the script, I feel like he was just shocked or "attention changed" by the bird.
Nadia,
in the storyboard, the ending part, I read it as she got pissed off by tahama grabbing her hair, and she feel annoyed.
in the script, I read that she is surprised/ amazed by the Talisman, and she gain confidence from it.
maybe she should / may not have that angry face(after tahama let her go), but look at the bird, and then talisman, feeling "thanksful" and positive?
at the beginning part, I think Nadia should look at the waterfall first, and then talk to alex, then look at her Talisman? just my opinion.
overall looks smooth~ go Mike!
Man Yee, you've got some great points here and I agree with every one of them. This is great! I was hoping to slip in there that even someone tough like tahama is afraid of some things, but it may not be needed.
ReplyDeleteCan you write a description of each board, just something similar to what you would say when you pitch. So encase it wasn't clear, we know at least what you were trying to go for.
ReplyDeleteya, I think the fear side of him no need to be shown in this shot(too short), and he should not be scared by birds~ try keep it simple and clear, and strong.
ReplyDeleteThe boards seem to Jump and Ping Pong too much.
ReplyDeleteaware of how much the camera is moving and zooming. You could probably condense the 2nd, 3rd, and 4th board into one shot. Maybe with a zoom.
Going into Nadia's first person POV feels jarring and unnecessary. You could show that interaction with a simple pan.
Basically, try to tell more story in each shot.
Not sure why Tahama is being such an asshole? Doesn't this undermine a theme in the book, that the Indians are peaceful and not savages?
If you are keeping Tahama's brutality as the central conflict of the scene, play with some deeper space shots. Building contrast between the Nadia's state of safety then endangerment.
Its not clear to me why the appearance of the magical owls give Nadia courage to climb the waterfall.
staging seems flat for the magical owl sequence, just before the screen wipe.
Hope this helps. I'm sure some of these observations are just due to the roughness of the boards.
Chris, this is some great insight, and I'll definitely take these comments and apply them. A
ReplyDeletes for the tribesmen being violent, you'd think they wouldn't act the way they do in the scene, but Tahama grabbing Nadia by the hair and dragging her is directly from the text. Haha... so... who knows, man.
I think to get away from the feel that all the Indians are violent, you need to clearly show the contrast of Mokarita's calmness with Tahama's short temper. I think that was talked about during the meeting. ;)
ReplyDeleteShowing that not all of them are violent, even if they all think Nadia is an annoying brat.